We all feel overwhelmed or not good enough at some point in our lives. For some, it may be a daily struggle and for others, it may just be at precise moments in their lives. There is a simple exercise that gives you back control and helps you get aligned with who you are, not what is expected of you.

If you are feeling down on yourself, figure out why. Ask yourself what your friends and family are saying to you, what you should change in your daily life. Is everyone telling you that you should meditate? Is your family suggesting you find another job?

Now ask yourself what you want to be doing differently? What are you doing that you wan to change? Do you need to make time for daily walks? Should you be making healthy meals for yourself?

Take a moment to jot down a could of suggestions from others and yourself that stand out or come to mind quickly. This is your Should list. Your Should list takes up precious space in your mind, space that could be used for many other important activities. We dwell on this Should list and it eats away at our peace and calmness, creating anxiety and depression. Should expresses judgement, that you are doing something wrong. Should leaves us powerless and leaves room for excuses. Read your should list again.

Now, let’s tackle this list, starting by replacing the word should, with the word could. Re-read your Should list starting with “I could”. “I could meditate everyday. I could make myself a healthy meal. I could take a daily walk”. Could gives us the power to make a decision. Could gives us a possible solution, or an option. “I could take a walk today, so let’s do it”.

While reading your Could list, watch how your body reacts. Are you nodding yes and sitting slightly straight while reading “I could take a daily walk”. If so, then put a “yes” beside it. While reading the next item, you may find yourself hunching over, or physically backing away. Perhaps you are even raising a skeptical eyebrow while reading “I could change jobs”. If this is the case, write a “no” beside that sentence. The timing may not be right and your body will tell you this.

The point of this exercise is to align your activities with what you expect of yourself. It does not matter what other people expect of you. You first need to meet your own needs and be happy with who you are. This exercise helps you categorize those expectations and figure out which are yours and which come from other people.

You may not go for a daily walk or make yourself a healthy meal every day, but it will at least start by making you aware of what needs to be done. After all, awareness is the key to change. If you need help in doing these activities, read through the article 1 task per day and adapt it to your needs.